i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
