before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
