The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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