she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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