It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
