My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
