I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
