I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
two words: eviction party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
