I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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