On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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