This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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