I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
