I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
