I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
