I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
