lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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