i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
