she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
