y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
