Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
