I just cut my nipple shaving
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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