I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
