Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
