those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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