That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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