he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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