i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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