Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
