i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
