**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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