i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Congratulations! We have a period
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
