Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
