when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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