So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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