haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
