shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
