just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
