i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
