party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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