based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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