I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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