Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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