then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
