do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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