Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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