6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dicks are not precious.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
