I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
