Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
