last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
