I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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