remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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