sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
