I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
