they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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