Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
