At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
