Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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