saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
