I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
