we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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