Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize