I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
