oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
