My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
