i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
