Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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