I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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