You're my little dorito
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
