Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
