So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
