Kiss
Puke
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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