you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
